The blueberry picking picture of Esme and Campbell is my current favorite picture of Esme - I love because I took it, because in her face you can see the light, the joy, the love that was Esme, and because the picture and the day capture a Sioux Narrows typical moment that is precious.The Little Russell branch of the Kenney Sioux Narrows clan wanted to go blueberry picking because Tom and I had had such a great haul at the field last year. We invited Esme and of course she wanted to join us. The field is fun to enter - you have to squeeze around a fence that very clearly says Do not Enter (we took our picture peering out from behind the sign) and then you have a wide open space to explore, scramble around, and find blueberries. Esme had her pail, just like Harper and Cam, and she carefully led them around for awhile finding good spots. After a short amount of time they parked down in a spot to snack. I remember dumping some of my blueberries into H/C pails so they could eat and she held out her pail and I filled hers too for snacking. In the picture, you can see a glimpse of what Esme would have looked like as a teenager but she was also a kid having a snack in the blueberry patch. On the way home, she sat between Harper and Cam and read them Richard Scarry. She always read beautifully to my children, and I know Gabby loved reading with Esme too.
I know some of the blueberries from that trip made it into a delicious Lisa dessert, and I am sure Esme ate some in one of her famous pancakes. But this trip, although about blueberry aquisition, was really more about the experience of being togehter, and that's what I will always treasure through this photo. It's hard for me to look at all these wonderful pictures of Esme and my children - they were delighted with her and she with them, yet her passing has not had an effect on them at all. (And that makes developmental sense - I am not saying they are heartless creatures, just that they don't really get it.) Harper has some sense that Esme is gone "like grandma", but even my mom's passing hasn't seemed to have an effect on them. And yet, on some level, I don't really get it yet either. I sitll find myself confused by the circumstances, having to tell myself that she's no longer physically with us on this earth.
A line from a Dylan song has been running through my head, from "You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go".
I'll see you in the sky above, In the tall grass, in the ones I love
I know I will see Esme in every wild blueberry bush I see this summer.
Thank you for that beautiful memory. It really captures the tween-ness of that age. That is how I remember Esme, as the last time I saw her was June of 08. And yet, I know she must have changed considerably since then, and it's hard to grasp those changes over distracted phone calls. Can anyone share their impressions of the changes in Esme in her last 6 months or so? I find myself wanting to know her better as she was when she died. To fill in my memory of her as much as I can. Love to you all. Franny
ReplyDeleteI also really like this photo of Esme that you took. I mentioned it to Tom during the Mother's Day gathering at Tom and Lisa's....and he said he liked it very much too and that Esme looked older in that picture. She looked older, but you could see that she was having just as much fun as Campbell...and she would remember it longer.
ReplyDeleteI want to know the story behind the grumpy prom dress picture with Lucy in her lap. Beth
Franny - seems like such a hard conversation to have to postpone, but I would love to know the answer as well, and think it would be really cool to have everyone in a room in Canada face to face to discuss.
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot of testimony too on the part of members of Esme’s school and church that would help you to understand her changes in the last six months before she died. Can I suggest that you bring it along to the room in Canada?
ReplyDeleteA unifying principal that helps to describe modern American preteens (“tweens”) and teens is identity formation and maintenance via electronic communication amongst themselves. I thus notice some interesting aspects reflected in her demeanor, especially in the pictures she took of herself when she was alone, which were meant, I think, for her friends via facebook or MySpace. Consider, for instance, the cagey close-up self portrait taken on the trail in Canada 6-18-2008 wearing the red plaid coat. Study the slightly plaintive self portrait taken 8-04-2008 wearing the red shirt. Notice the brooding, somber look in the car with the male relative on 12-08-2008. I find compelling the face she made at whoever took the snap in the room with the red door 2-05-2009. There is the impassive look in the much underexposed pic taken from her camera. Finally, study the “Abercrombie t-shirt” pics, the one taken from her camera wearing the mirror shades, and the one taken with the computer she sent someone who tacked it to the neighborhood grieving board next to the woodsy cemetery.
Teens are prone to brooding (such as, yes, seen in the prom dress picture petting the cat). They feign maturity that is really merely sophistication. They of course hold authority in suspicion. And they seek outlets for hormone-induced restless energy through music. I am a teacher of students just like her in a similar arts academy in Chicago. To me the pictures are quite telling. Her mood swings and her changing complexion, in both facial skin and facial expression, illustrate how she was changing, mercilessly. She appears to have been quite normally in the inaugural throes of adolescence, especially that experienced by the artistic and creative.
You say that you can see a glimpse of what Esme would have looked like as a teenager in the blueberry picture. I think even more indicative of the mature young adult she was heading toward being is the picture taken the next day of her walking I think Harper, with aunt Sue behind her, to the end of the dock. What a poised, mature-looking teenager (...to be).
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