Canada memories

Here are a few fabulous videos that Tom, Lisa, Brad and I watched yesterday on Lisa's laptop:

Lisa recorded (surreptitiously) Brian and Esme jamming on the guitars:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCUGJeeM0Zw

Esme recorded a group papermaking session (complete with a Harper clapalong)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03GsgB6VGEA

Blueberry reflections

The blueberry picking picture of Esme and Campbell is my current favorite picture of Esme - I love because I took it, because in her face you can see the light, the joy, the love that was Esme, and because the picture and the day capture a Sioux Narrows typical moment that is precious.

The Little Russell branch of the Kenney Sioux Narrows clan wanted to go blueberry picking because Tom and I had had such a great haul at the field last year. We invited Esme and of course she wanted to join us. The field is fun to enter - you have to squeeze around a fence that very clearly says Do not Enter (we took our picture peering out from behind the sign) and then you have a wide open space to explore, scramble around, and find blueberries. Esme had her pail, just like Harper and Cam, and she carefully led them around for awhile finding good spots. After a short amount of time they parked down in a spot to snack. I remember dumping some of my blueberries into H/C pails so they could eat and she held out her pail and I filled hers too for snacking. In the picture, you can see a glimpse of what Esme would have looked like as a teenager but she was also a kid having a snack in the blueberry patch. On the way home, she sat between Harper and Cam and read them Richard Scarry. She always read beautifully to my children, and I know Gabby loved reading with Esme too.

I know some of the blueberries from that trip made it into a delicious Lisa dessert, and I am sure Esme ate some in one of her famous pancakes. But this trip, although about blueberry aquisition, was really more about the experience of being togehter, and that's what I will always treasure through this photo. It's hard for me to look at all these wonderful pictures of Esme and my children - they were delighted with her and she with them, yet her passing has not had an effect on them at all. (And that makes developmental sense - I am not saying they are heartless creatures, just that they don't really get it.) Harper has some sense that Esme is gone "like grandma", but even my mom's passing hasn't seemed to have an effect on them. And yet, on some level, I don't really get it yet either. I sitll find myself confused by the circumstances, having to tell myself that she's no longer physically with us on this earth.

A line from a Dylan song has been running through my head, from "You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go".

I'll see you in the sky above, In the tall grass, in the ones I love

I know I will see Esme in every wild blueberry bush I see this summer.